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Friday, 3 February 2006
Mood:
 not sure
Now Playing: Babyshambles, Fuck Forever (in my head)
I posted an entry here the other day but it didnt come up. Oh well.
Anyway, you should know the situation sorted itself out (like I hoped it would) its a bit weird now but things got sorted last week. As long as no one hates me, or I think no one does, things may well be fine?!
Posted by hathnofury
at 8:31 PM GMT
Thursday, 26 January 2006
.......Continuation.......
Mood:
 down
So we left Dexters and headed for Yates' at the top of town. The best thing about it in there is they have really nice comfy chairs you can just sink into.
By this time I was feeling a little drunk but didn't mind as the night was still young.
After a while it got to be that me, Julie and Sophie's friend Sophie were all sitting on one sofa and Tallah and Amanda were sitting opposite, they were cuddling up together and as the night progressed became more intimate....not unexpected as they like each other but wont admit it.
Anyway, Im sat next to Sophie & she keeps leaning into me and resting her head on my shoulder, I have my arm behind it, but it would be wrong to put my arm around her, so I dont, of course.
At this point I had a lot of different feelings, what would be the right thing to do and what wouldnt?' what do I know I shouldnt do?' 'What is everyone thinking of me right now?' 'what is she thinking of me right now?' *sigh*
Dont get me wrong, she's a nice girl, a little taller than me though I didnt think that mattered any but quite pretty and pleasant to talk to, and there was me internally worrying and probably not making the situation worse for myself *this is sounding all wrong* but still worrying.
At the start of the night we hadnt talked much, but there were times when we talked about serious stuff and I thought, you're really like Jo, Id told her about Jo and she knew I was with her and we'd had a conversation about us moving etc... but things she talked about echoed of her slightly.
When we left Yates' I wasnt sure what to do next, she kept saying she had to get up early the next morning for an exam where she works at Yellow Pages, I felt bad for possibly making her stay later than she should've, as well as the fact she bought me a drink in Yates'....*should've been the other way round*.
Now thinking about it I cringe with embaressment at myself, no I hate myself for being such a twat....and the worst is yet to come........
We go to Lloyds, which I dont really like cos its just warm beer and loud inaudible music.....shit loud inaudible music but it was as dead as everywhere else we had been that night, being a Tuesday, we have one drink there as Amanda and work Sophie got thrown out for having no ID, they come back in and ask me to buy their drinks for them, which I do, Amanda who is beyond wreaked by now gets clocked and we have to drink up and leave.
We leave Lloyds and the night is at an end, Im feeling bad for a few things already and looking for a way to apologise but I cant, Sophie leaves to get her mum to pick her up and I say goodbye to her but I dont think she hears, the rest of us walk on.
As the group semi splits up Amanda and Tallah are still spinning round and stopping to kiss at differing points, but then Sophie comes back , the other three go off and we walk along the top of town until stopping to sit down. At this point I am smoking *mistake* so we sit sit down, here things begin to spin and I cant focus on anything, I know somethings going to happen and then......
I lean over to my right and it comes out likea cork from a bottle, I am sick.
Yes I am sick, and as if it couldnt be worse I had told Sophie about a time a while ago when I was with someone and sick. *I want the ground to swallow me up now- but Ive been sick on it*
She says to me "are you alright?" some more comes out and trails down the step *why now, why here?* Im sure she is thinking really bad things about me, but if she isnt I AM. This is THE worst, bar none thing that you can do infront of someone, I did it to the side and Im only glad I didnt get any on her, I hope she didnt see it, I really do.
I get my breath back and we get up and walk. The least I could do now, after that was walk her to the car, why she would want to walk with me I dont know but she's probably too polite to say no. All along the way I am apologising and saying sorry - I am so desperatly sorry and I can do nothing to make it right. She gets in the car and drives off, I turn to walk back and feel disgusted with myself, I am shaking my head and calling myself every name under the moon.
In my head I felt she got up to walk because I was sick, to some extent I believe that to be true. No, Im convinced it was, but then we couldnt have just sat there. No. I was in no state to be anything to anyone except an embaressment. We got home and, as luck would have it I text work Sophie to say could she tell Sophie I thought she was really cool and that I was really sorry for what heppened at the end. She replied to ask what happened and I explained, I hope she passes my message on as I want her to know Im really sorry for it & I feel so bad, so so so so so so bad. I wouldnt blame her for not wanting to talk to me, its not the best impression I could have made, far from it, but I cant change it now.
Posted by hathnofury
at 2:00 PM GMT
Updated: Tuesday, 7 February 2006 4:03 PM GMT
ughhh.....
Mood:
 don't ask
Now Playing: UnderOath (In my head)
I actually woke up at 5:45 this morning to take my mum to work, stepping outside felt like walking in the arctic, it was foggy and frosty, however it felt quite still and comforting, in a strange way. When I came home I tried to get back to sleep, however my mind has been reeling and I have been awake ever since.
Strange really seeing as last night I was out drinking on my leaving do with some people from work. Of the people I invited eight turned up including me: Julie, Amanda, Tallah, weird Paul Sophie and two of her friends, Sophie and Charlotte. I got there purposefully late in order to guarantee everyone turned up, though upon entering wetherspoons weird Paul runs down the stairs to tell me everyone is next door in the Litten Tree.
I join the table, already full of empty glasses and order my first Guinness of the night. Gareth, Martin, Joe and gangster John didnt come, although John did get me a bottle of rioja as a leaving present.
We're chatting away for a good hour or two then go down to Dexters for a meal, though Sophie and Charlotte were already going for an indian, even so the rest of us bowled down to Dexters. I had the burger with the works, though it had beetroot, pineapple and caramelised onions (which would later come back to haunt me, at the worst possible time)
Posted by hathnofury
at 12:59 PM GMT
Tuesday, 24 January 2006
Welcome.
Mood:
 energetic
Now Playing: Nothing at present
At the moment I may not always be able to update this as much as I would have liked, however it is a start, this is progress.
Having put my sketches onto the photo album, I unfortunatly missed out my magazine cover and contents page I was looking for last week to date, found it under the bed, intact...hooray!
Will scan and upload tomorrow, all being well.
My website is coming along nicely though this computer plods....hard and means I cant get much done without it freezing up on me, oh well....
The story is coming along as well...slowly, theres so much to do and not enough time.
Anyway thats all for now.
Posted by hathnofury
at 4:28 PM GMT
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